In A Day's Work

Generally speaking teenagers that are taking regular education or honors courses do not enjoy coming to "speech." Anything that separates you from the herd is embarrassing.

I understand this- So I bribe my highs schoolers. Candy if you come independently. Good candy-NOT the dollar store kind. & I try my best to find out what the student enjoys and we focus on that in therapy. You want to get your driver's license. GREAT!!! I'll gladly spend the next 12 sessions going over Driver's Ed vocabulary, reading comprehension, and auditory comprehension. All while were correctly articulating the "s" and "r" words. AND because the student wants his/her permit, they will not only attend speech, but will look forward to attending. Win/Win.

This works for about half of the students. For the others, I have to figure out what class they are currently attending, who is the teacher, and the phone number for the room. Then, I have to call the room and ask the teacher to send the student to my room. Then I wait.

When you call for a student- Chances are very good that they will never show. They use this opportunity to roam. If they do show, they will be delayed in arriving. This is because they:

"Had to stop at the restroom"

"Had to go to clinic"

"Had to talk to my boyfriend/girlfriend"

"Had to go the office"

"Had to talk to my __________ teacher."

" Had to try to save the kitten that is under the portable."

"Got into a fight with Brittany...her nose is bleeding....she is in the restroom."

"Had to text my dad about picking me up early, because I don't feel well...can you write me a pass for the clinic...WHY NOT?"

One of my students hadn't shown up & I didn't have a current schedule for her. So, I called the front office-the names of students and schools have been changed:

Me: "Can you tell me what class Sarah Lee is in?"

Office: "She is in Marine Science with Mr. Lamb"

Me: "Thanks"

I go through the files and locate and dial the number for Mr. Lamb.

Mr. Lamb: "Hello?"

Me: "Hi, do you have a Sarah Lee in class?"

Mr. Lamb: "Uh...No" Slightly panicked ..."Should I?!!!"

Me: Not understanding the panic..."Well, according the front office you do have her. When she does show up, will please send her to P26?"

Mr. Lamb: "uh....okay, with a buddy?"

Me: "A buddy, (not sure if he is joking) ha ha...no, all by herself." (what is wrong with this guy?!)

Mr. Lamb: Now frantic... "What does she look like?"

Me: "I have only met her once- I don't remember." I can hear him asking other teachers asking about Sarah.

Mr. Lamb: After a loooong pause. "Where are you calling from?"

Me: "My portable....why?"

Mr. Lamb: "You have called Elderberry Elementary, I am in a 1st grade classroom...What school are you calling from?"

And this is how Sarah got away with skipping speech this week...

Chuck...You made me a believer...for those that missed

Story time...I am going to change some names to protect both the innocent and the others.
I have a close relative---he lives with me and I am responsible for his care. I'll call him, "Chandelier"- He enjoys Mixed Martial Arts- He takes lessons in Martial Arts.

The other day, I am sitting at home- enjoying a recorded UFC fight and eating a philly steak sandwich with extra cheese. The phone rings and I answer...it is Chandelier. He says, "Hey Big-Mama" cuz that is what he calls me now that I am into Publix Philly-Cheese Steaks and UFC fights..."Big- Mama"

I kid- I was watching "American Idol" and eating Robin's eggs (Easter Chocolate). Anyway, the close relative calls to let me know that the doorbell is going to ring soon and it is going to be the neighbor's father. Chandelier had protected himself during a scuffle and the father was not pleased...crud. "Sott"- my life partner...he wasn't home. Double crud.

I quickly turned down the TV and stripped naked. Yup naked. Big-mama was going to have to jump into the bath ...quick. I left my clothes in the living room and sprinted to the tub. The dogs, sensing my urgency, ran to the bathroom with me...barking loudly. I started the water and jumped into the tub before the water had time to warm...With the water running full blast and the dogs barking- I almost didn't hear the doorbell ring.

Well, darn- I am naked and in the tub. I CAN'T answer the door. So, I call..."Sott" from my cell.

"When are you going to be home?" Breathing hard- I can hardly get the words out... Sott is used to my dramas- he doesn't miss a beat..

Sott: "Why?- You want me to pick something up?"

He really is the most unsuspecting sweet guy. How God paired him up with Big Mama- We will never know.

Me: "Oh- I am in the bath and the darn doorbell is ringing. The dogs are going nuts...I don't know what is going on..."

Long story short- Sott eventually received a phone call. During which, I played dumb. In the process of communicating his concern, I heard that the upset Dad shared his opinion that boys should be in sports like baseball and not MMA.

I thought about that - Big Mama once shared this opinion. But, then I borrowed Chandelier's book by Chuck Liddell. I decided that it takes a huge amount of commitment, physical and mental strength and endurance to be a MMA fighter. I don't watch the fights. That is my choice- but I sure can appreciate the fact that it is a sport and a crazy tough one. I have supervised the training closely and am impressed by the instructors focus on safety, dedication, and responsibility. Bottom line- Big Mama supported Chandelier when he was in baseball and will fully support his martial arts training.

& will voice her support, naked in the bathtub, surrounded by her howling dogs...whose names rhyme with malentine and lippord

Birthday Bust

Scott has been telling me for YEARS that he wanted to learn Spanish. For years.

" I have always wished that I knew Spanish."
"Too bad you don't know more Spanish. If you did you could teach me..."
"Tracy, have you seen the Rosetta Stone program...I bet it would be great for Spanish."
"Chandler, I regret not learning Spanish. You should focus on Spanish."


So, with his Birthday coming up...I thought Rosetta Stone would be a great gift.

Then, I started second guessing myself. Maybe a self tutorial isn't the greatest of gifts...for one's Birthday. I decided to "feel Scott out." Ask a few questions, give a few hints, and see how he reacts.

Consequently, the Rosetta Stone Latin American Spanish Program is being returned. Now I know.

This left me I without a main gift...with S's Bday on Saturday. I decided that Sam's has plenty of fantastic electronics that would be more "Birthday worthy." Quickly, I ordered a surprise something that is fun and noneducational. I patted myself on the back. Went on to enjoying my Sunday.

Phone rings. Scott answers. It is the Fraud Dept. of the Credit Card that I used. Wanting Scott to verify the item ordered and confirm the charge.

I give up.

Happy Birthday Babe...Love ya!

Introducing Clifford Max

We got ourselves a new addition to the family.I don't think Valley is thanking us.
He is the sweetest boy- 13 week old bundle of puppiness.

Valley is being a fantastic big sister.
But I can tell she is tired & would love a break.
See? Here she is pretending like she is going to really tear into him.
She finally decides to just play dead and get some shut eye.

Christmas Eve

We have always opened our gifts to each other on Christmas Eve. Santa comes Christmas Day.This is a good thing- because Chandler was complaining of heart palpitations last night. He said that they would ease up if he could open just one gift.
I told him to take deep breaths- & go to bed. :-)
Nothing says Christmas like a Glock.

Just puts a smile on a young man's face.
Puzzling child...or puzzled child...Christmas Magic- Merry Christmas!!!-

Christmas in the USA

700 lights, 8 hours, and a trillion ornaments later...
I am loving being home.
The Gingerbread house has been constructed and mostly eaten.
Merry Christmas!

Moving...Again.

We will have moved 3 times in the past 14 Months. 2 of these will be International. I have come to some conclusions.

1. We generate more garbage than 4 other families combined.

2. Really- we do.

3. It takes estrogen to organize and initiate the moving events...

4. Really- it does.

5. If you have to spend the whole day organizing and packing and cleaning...don't go to the best French Restaurant and over indulge...on wine and food....the night before.

6. Really- don't.

7.....Ummm- One more thing- If you choose to store your mop bucket outside- Turn it upside down.-

8...REALLY- do this- because if you don't- a pretty gray mouse will crawl into it & then it will rain...& then the stupid thing will drown...and you will be grossed out and sad- at the same time. And all the food and wine will start bubbling in your belly.