Play that funky music white boy....

I, for one, am happy to see Vanilla Ice on DIY Network. The show is good- & I never understood all that hating- I have some of his songs on my IPod...twice.But, I have only have two friends who continue to share and appreciate my taste in music. You know who you are.

Yo man -- Let's get out of here! Word to your mother!

Are Kato & Cody Cousins?

Macsoft- Shop Talk

I spend a lot of time in a local skilled nursing facility. Often, I speak with a resident named "Mildred." Mildred and I tend to have conversations very similar to ones that I have with my grandmother...the ones that are on a loop because of short term memory loss.

Every time I see her, I ask her, "Did you have some lunch?" and she responds with, "I wouldn't have missed it!" and I ask her, "What did you eat?"

Without fail, she answers, " Oh...I don't know...same stuff Macsoft." The first time we had this conversation, I just assumed she was talking about some Macaroni. However, about 5 minutes later, I was standing in the elevator, and came to a realization. Which made me giggle out loud...which made people try to move away from me.

When people are having a hard time chewing regular food, sometimes they get a chopped up softer diet called "Mechanical Soft"- When residents get their trays, often a slip of paper comes with the food indicating "Mech Soft."

So, I guess Mildred is correct, she is eating "Macsoft" everyday.

Thank You DQ!

My. Math. Skills. Are. Limited.

My basic math skills are an embarrassment to me & those who know me.

Numbers go into a certain part of my brain & get jumbled and lost. It is like I have number dyslexia.

This is so sad that it is funny. At one time, my mother owned a company and hired me to reconcile payroll with the ledge. It was just inputing numbers on an adding machine & matching totals. I stunk. She literally fired me in two days. Two days, she gave me the "We really like you, but your not working out." Whatever.

After high school- my local college said that I could attend, if I would take a few of their lower-level math courses. My professors were patient and kind. Go Lobos!!! I passed because I study well- but my skills remain limited.

One time, while Vegas with my mother in law, she tried on this beautiful bracelet. It was the most gorgeous item I had ever seen. I looked at the price tag- don't remember the exact about- but I thought it was $2, 300. I encouraged her to buy it. It was frivolous, but GORGEOUS. Later, she tells my husband that I tried to get her to purchase a $23,000 bracelet. Ohhhh! THAT IS why she thought I had been drinking!!

So, back in high school, the local Dairy Queen hired me. This job was probably the best thing that ever happened to my math muddled mind. They had cash register- so, I figured- it would do the math for me. HOWEVER, the son's owner (David) insisted that we learn how to count back cash to the customer when giving change. Something is 1.50, they give you a five, you say ".50 is $2.00, and $3.00 makes $5.00. THANK YOU DAVID!!!

Because, today, Chandler volunteered us to work the Balloon Fiesta - & at 3:o0 a.m., when the staff was assigning volunteers...I kept muttering my mantra. Please, not the ticket booth....please NOT the ticket booth.

Guess what Scott & I were assigned? There was no register- I had to multiply, subtract, and count back change. Scott, knowing my limitations was mortified for me. It took a few hundred tickets, but I got into the swing of things. The old DQ technique came back to me. Who knew?

A synopsis and compilation -

If you have to think twice before giving someone your cell number...just err on the side of caution.

7:00 am- Nancy- " Hi"

7:30 am - Nancy- "Hi"

8:15 am- Nancy- "Hi"

8:45 am- Phone rings- It is Nancy- I let it go to voice mail. No message.

10:00 am- Nancy - "Hi"

11:00 am- Me- "Hi Nancy- How are you doing?"

11:01 am- Nancy- "Why are you texting me?"

11:45 am- Me - "You sent me some texts."

12:00 am Nancy- "Hi"

1:00 pm- Me- "Hi Nancy, you have to quit texting me today- Okay?" I have to work now.

1:00 pm- Nancy- " I'm mad at you."

1:01 Pm - Me " Sorry, talk with you later."

11:00- 1:30 am- Nancy - "Hi" 8 times.

1:30 am Scott to Nancy- " Nancy, this is Mr. H. It is inappropriate to text this often or this late. Please stop!"

1:35 am Nancy to Scott- "Sorry Pal."

On the Oil Spill

Did you hear about the government report indicating that only about a quarter of the oil remained...and the rest was either removed, DISSOLVED or EVAPORATED?!
Whew! Crisis averted. I, for one, am soooo relieved. Mother nature took care of that FAST. I knew that the gulf waters helped me with my psoriasis...but, this is taking the power of the salt and sea to a whole new level.

Then, I started thinking about those pesky oil stains in my drive. All this time, certain (clipboard carrying) members of the Neighborhood Association have been complaining about the oil stains. & ALL I needed was to harness the POWER OF THE GULF.
I picked up some of my favorite beach sand and shells from Honeymoon Beach. Placed them on the unsightly stains.
Added water...I tried to simulate that wave action of the gulf. Then, I waited for Mother Nature to do her thing.

Must of done it wrong. Because, nothing dissolved. Nothing evaporated. I am just not getting the same results that the government reported.

Really, it must be my methodology..because I would never question the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration and the Department of Interior findings. Never.

On Seeing Granma

My Granma lives with dementia- Her short term memory is on a loop. Her long term memory is generally more reliable. Conversations with her are always a gift. She provides unexpected pockets of clarity...and sometimes hilarity. Her comments are insightful and refreshingly honest. This combined with the wisdom of her years.

It has been at least 10 months since I have been able to see her- As I rounded the corner, I recognized her profile. She was in her wheel chair, gazing into the dining room. She had not seen me yet. I exhaled and took a moment to watch her in thought.

Finally, I made a wide berth in front of her, so she could she me coming. I knew the moment that she recognized me. Her blue eyes widened with joy and her face lit up with such happiness. My face reflecting the same. It was as if our spirits met and joyfully embraced before I was able to physically touch her.

As I finally was able to hug her, kiss her, and held her hands...she whispered "it has been so long." Pockets of clarity.

I love Grams!