Monday, October 31, 2011

Beauty Myths Debunked by My Life Experiences....

1. "Buy your sunblock from the Dermo's office..it is the best stuff."
The crap from the Dermo's office was $50.00 and I think it actually attracted the sun's rays.
My Neutrogenia Sports Face 70 NEVER let me down. http://www.drugstore.com/neutrogena-ultimate-sport-face-sunblock-lotion-spf-70/qxp213697?catid=159098&fromsrch=nuetrogena+sports+face

2. " Don't spend extra money on make up, because drug store make up has the same ingredients as department store products."
Not true- I figured this one out when I was 12-years old on a babysitting gig. Yes, I used the makeup in the bathroom & it was of department store brand. AND the colors were stunning, the makeup went on smoother, and overall the make up lasted longer.
(Okay, confession, I do like one drug store brand..I adore the Boots No 7 Lights Illuminating Lotion. This stuff rocks. http://www.shopbootsusa.com/product/4135)

3. "Certain famous models use items in the pantry and refrigerator for skin care." As I was growing up, I read many articles that described models and actresses cleansing and moisturizing their respective faces with avocado scrubs, oatmeal masks, Crisco, bananas, honey, etc.

I can only say, this crap doesn't work. If I use products that belong in the kitchen, I get clogged pores, boil sized face zits, shiny skin. I call B.S.!

3. "You can just buy hair dye at the store and do it yourself."

Umm, maybe YOU can, but I look like a freakin' patchwork quilt of oranges, yellows, and reds.

4. "Spray tans have come a long way...they go on without streaking and the color has improved." No, no, no.

5. "I know you asked me not to cut your cuticles, but they need attention, and I have been trained how to do this professionally."

You will make me bleed and give me hang nails that will take 4 weeks to heal.

6. "Just use wax on that upper lip stache. "
Don't- you will do this for a decade...and then some nice cosmetologist will point out that the weekly wax tugging has given you wrinkles.

7. "Most acne creams have the same active ingredients- just choose one."
My adult hormone acne begs (in a big ugly way) to differ.

MMA-

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Lie to me...or don't...I won't know....


While driving with Chan to his movie date:

Me: Chan- who are you meeting at the movies?

Chan: Tersely- "Someone."

Me: "A girl?"

Chan: "Yes mom, a girl."

Me: "Do I know her?"

Chan: Irritated- "No Mom- you don't"
Me: "Aha...I can tell by the way were lips are pursed that I know her....hmmmm. Is she from ROTC? Does she attend [your highs school]?"

Chan: "No Mom, she is not in ROTC...and yes, I go to school with her."

Me: "LIAR- SHE is in ROTC...I can tell ...by the way you exhibited a vocal tremor!

Chan: Quietly shaking his head...well, sort of disgustedly shaking his head....

Me: "Are you dating a guy?"
Chan: Exasperated- "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Me: "Nothing- I just got your truth baseline."


Wednesday, June 1, 2011

No- YES!!!

My bestest and I had the honor of providing therapy for one of the most lively, fun, beautiful spirits ever. Therapy sessions with this elderly woman often went like this. (Obviously, names are changed).

Bestest and/or Me: "Samantha let's have some ice cream."

Samantha: Emphatically- "NO- THAT is a HORRIBLE IDEA. YOU HAVE HORRIBLE IDEAS. LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Bestest and/or Me: "You are RIGHT. Horrible idea- Let's not do it."

Samantha calms. We wait 30 seconds.

Bestest and/or me: "Samantha!"

Samantha: "What?"

Bestest and/or me: "We are hungry, let's eat ice cream!"

Samantha: Excitedly- "OKAY! Let's! Oh this is delicious! Thank you!"

And so our sessions went. Samantha was initially disgusted with anything we suggested or requested- Then, she would quickly change her mind and express deep gratitude.

As Samantha tip toed to meet her maker-I imagine that the conversation went like this:

"Samantha! Let's go to heaven!"

Samantha: "No! I don't want to go right now!

30 seconds lapse

"Samantha!"
Samantha: "What?"

"Let's see what is going on in heaven"

Samantha " Okay, Let's!...Oooohhh this is so lovely. Thank you!!"

God bless you Samantha- we loved knowing you!



Saturday, April 16, 2011

Note to MMA Mamas

Little league doesn't really prepare you for watching your offspring fight in MMA.
No one mentions this, so if you are a Mama, who has a child...and your baby decides to like MMA...just be forewarned. While you are watching the fights, you may feel the Mama Bear in you...and she may want to pummel your child's opponent.
Also, you will sit beside your child as s/he is preparing to fight. And you will say supportive things, and try to appear calm. But your jaw will be clenched, and your muscles will be tight, and you will feel like vomiting.
And if you are lucky MMA mama, YOUR mama will be with you...and she will share feelings and empathize with your anxieties...and she will also want to pummel her grandchild's opponent.


Gotta love it when family sticks together.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Wild Hogs... and my limited memory...and Chan's patience...





Chan: Hey- You wanna check out Madrid
Me: Sure! Isn't that where they filmed that movie...
Me: What was it called? Ground Hog? Road Hog? ......what was it?
Chan: Wild Hogs Mom, Wild Hogs...Are we going to be stuck behind this truck the whole way? Don't you want to pass?
Me: Nope- not passing! Wild Hogs!



Chan: Wouldn't it be cool if we could see Maggie's Diner?
Me: Was that the name of the place?


Chan: Yes, Mom Maggie's Diner....

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Spring & Thin Mints....

Spring is about Puppies- Doesn't everybody get a new puppy in the Spring?Spring is about the most beautious Iris
& Puppies!
& Les Fluers
& handsome boys with their new puppy.
& blue skies with ???? Everyday- from the east and west the city- these projectiles are blasted into space. What are they???
But, I digress...apple blossoms- that is what Spring is about.
That and a tummy ache from the full box of thin mints last night.