In A Day's Work

Generally speaking teenagers that are taking regular education or honors courses do not enjoy coming to "speech." Anything that separates you from the herd is embarrassing.

I understand this- So I bribe my highs schoolers. Candy if you come independently. Good candy-NOT the dollar store kind. & I try my best to find out what the student enjoys and we focus on that in therapy. You want to get your driver's license. GREAT!!! I'll gladly spend the next 12 sessions going over Driver's Ed vocabulary, reading comprehension, and auditory comprehension. All while were correctly articulating the "s" and "r" words. AND because the student wants his/her permit, they will not only attend speech, but will look forward to attending. Win/Win.

This works for about half of the students. For the others, I have to figure out what class they are currently attending, who is the teacher, and the phone number for the room. Then, I have to call the room and ask the teacher to send the student to my room. Then I wait.

When you call for a student- Chances are very good that they will never show. They use this opportunity to roam. If they do show, they will be delayed in arriving. This is because they:

"Had to stop at the restroom"

"Had to go to clinic"

"Had to talk to my boyfriend/girlfriend"

"Had to go the office"

"Had to talk to my __________ teacher."

" Had to try to save the kitten that is under the portable."

"Got into a fight with Brittany...her nose is bleeding....she is in the restroom."

"Had to text my dad about picking me up early, because I don't feel well...can you write me a pass for the clinic...WHY NOT?"

One of my students hadn't shown up & I didn't have a current schedule for her. So, I called the front office-the names of students and schools have been changed:

Me: "Can you tell me what class Sarah Lee is in?"

Office: "She is in Marine Science with Mr. Lamb"

Me: "Thanks"

I go through the files and locate and dial the number for Mr. Lamb.

Mr. Lamb: "Hello?"

Me: "Hi, do you have a Sarah Lee in class?"

Mr. Lamb: "Uh...No" Slightly panicked ..."Should I?!!!"

Me: Not understanding the panic..."Well, according the front office you do have her. When she does show up, will please send her to P26?"

Mr. Lamb: "uh....okay, with a buddy?"

Me: "A buddy, (not sure if he is joking) ha ha...no, all by herself." (what is wrong with this guy?!)

Mr. Lamb: Now frantic... "What does she look like?"

Me: "I have only met her once- I don't remember." I can hear him asking other teachers asking about Sarah.

Mr. Lamb: After a loooong pause. "Where are you calling from?"

Me: "My portable....why?"

Mr. Lamb: "You have called Elderberry Elementary, I am in a 1st grade classroom...What school are you calling from?"

And this is how Sarah got away with skipping speech this week...

Chuck...You made me a believer...for those that missed

Story time...I am going to change some names to protect both the innocent and the others.
I have a close relative---he lives with me and I am responsible for his care. I'll call him, "Chandelier"- He enjoys Mixed Martial Arts- He takes lessons in Martial Arts.

The other day, I am sitting at home- enjoying a recorded UFC fight and eating a philly steak sandwich with extra cheese. The phone rings and I answer...it is Chandelier. He says, "Hey Big-Mama" cuz that is what he calls me now that I am into Publix Philly-Cheese Steaks and UFC fights..."Big- Mama"

I kid- I was watching "American Idol" and eating Robin's eggs (Easter Chocolate). Anyway, the close relative calls to let me know that the doorbell is going to ring soon and it is going to be the neighbor's father. Chandelier had protected himself during a scuffle and the father was not pleased...crud. "Sott"- my life partner...he wasn't home. Double crud.

I quickly turned down the TV and stripped naked. Yup naked. Big-mama was going to have to jump into the bath ...quick. I left my clothes in the living room and sprinted to the tub. The dogs, sensing my urgency, ran to the bathroom with me...barking loudly. I started the water and jumped into the tub before the water had time to warm...With the water running full blast and the dogs barking- I almost didn't hear the doorbell ring.

Well, darn- I am naked and in the tub. I CAN'T answer the door. So, I call..."Sott" from my cell.

"When are you going to be home?" Breathing hard- I can hardly get the words out... Sott is used to my dramas- he doesn't miss a beat..

Sott: "Why?- You want me to pick something up?"

He really is the most unsuspecting sweet guy. How God paired him up with Big Mama- We will never know.

Me: "Oh- I am in the bath and the darn doorbell is ringing. The dogs are going nuts...I don't know what is going on..."

Long story short- Sott eventually received a phone call. During which, I played dumb. In the process of communicating his concern, I heard that the upset Dad shared his opinion that boys should be in sports like baseball and not MMA.

I thought about that - Big Mama once shared this opinion. But, then I borrowed Chandelier's book by Chuck Liddell. I decided that it takes a huge amount of commitment, physical and mental strength and endurance to be a MMA fighter. I don't watch the fights. That is my choice- but I sure can appreciate the fact that it is a sport and a crazy tough one. I have supervised the training closely and am impressed by the instructors focus on safety, dedication, and responsibility. Bottom line- Big Mama supported Chandelier when he was in baseball and will fully support his martial arts training.

& will voice her support, naked in the bathtub, surrounded by her howling dogs...whose names rhyme with malentine and lippord